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Subject:things i get most excited about
Time:02:01 pm
in no order:

saint jude (if you haven't, ya know, checked it out... www.myspace.com/saintjudegodfree )
danny dibiasio
friends
the rest of the world when it's going right
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Time:09:47 am
since i've been dreaming I could always remember my dreams. the fucked up onethingleadstoanother way of walking through that state in your psyche. never could I remember anything anyone said, or if I did it was just the jist of it. last night I had a dream and I remembered the line perfectly.

I want to save it here so I can look back and say, "really...? my brain?"

in the dream there was a group of people standing with me waiting to be seated in this restaurant after playing an odd game of hide and seek, but we all had to stand on a 2x4 that was a foot above a foot of water. we got to talking as people do when they have to wait and the subject came up of being suspended or getting detention in our schooling days.

a quiet young man got his turn and said with confidence and cool : "yeh, I was never kicked out of school until I took this monster shit in the nurse's office and fished it out and plopped it right on my desk."

don't look at me, I just dreamed it. I don't know...

if anyone is a dream expert, please tell me what that means.
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Current Music:brand new - you won't know
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Subject:everyone's favorite big brother is a big brother
Time:02:22 am
Current Mood:cold14 degrees
i have a 14 year old sister that lives in connecticut with my mom named devon. i named her and i miss her dearly. we saw each other tuesday, we went to newbury comics in warwick and made her buy slaughter of the soul by at the gates and the first rage against the machine album. got to get these kids when they're young. lately i've been having dreams of her getting kidnapped or running away and it's really bothering me. i don't want to have to kill anyone, but i think for anyone in this world, i would honestly take anothers life for her. i think i would for my family and friends if put in the situation actually...but i think my reaction would be most vicious if it were for her.

my whole life i've felt like a shitty older brother, always off doing my own thing, being all about being a selfish rambunctious punk rock / hardcore show going to dickbag, wrapped up in my own ball of insecurities and angst to really hang out with a sibling 9 years younger. but lately, i think i've been doing alright. i hope...she looks up to me, fuck, that's a scary thought. i'd better get my shit together.

she went vegetarian when she was 11. i was so psyched. she likes dragonforce, and i didn't even tell her about them. shit, she has more dragonforce albums than i do. i don't have any, so, there. but still!

she used to be really withdrawn and she still is a bit. she's coming out of her shell, which is great to see. her teachers once told my mom that when devon wants to disappear she disappears. walking through school, head down and silent.

she smiles now. she tells me stories about funny things she does with her friends. she laughs! in the company of others! my family is weird, because she's so young and i'm an adult they think it's ok to leave her out of conversations or jump on her about stuff we all do. i quickly put them all in their place. she's a riot, and once i kick the family in the seat of their pants and she's allowed to chime in, she's a riot.

but when she goes out to eat she doesn't look at the waiter/waitress and speaks very softly to her menu, that she has trouble deciding what to get from. she has troubling making decisions. i think she's afraid to disappoint, even with what food to get. once she gets over that, she'll have her school and family wrapped around her finger. once she does i hope she tells me the secret. i've got a lot trapped up here in this noggin of mine. it mostly comes out as awkwardness.

i'll work on that, i swear.

rhode island. i love you, unconditionally, always have, probably always will. but please, do something to earn it. dear friends : that's not to you. you're all great, just wish i saw you all more.

i don't want to wake up...
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Current Music:marving gaye - trouble man
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Subject:saint jude lyrics
Time:12:50 pm
john hancock (#1)
it's already uncomfortable
no way back out of this shit hole
there's so much work to be done
we are caught in an awkward position
we can't just sign, sign a petition
i've got an idea, let's take some action
what a fucking idea! let's take some action
i'm not just here, in front of you
i'll be out there wherever i'm needed
we are caught in an awkward position
we can't just sign a fucking petition.

leftovers (#2)
he stands with his sign
"i am hungry, i am stranded"
he would rather beg than steal.
the money is there,
the money is there,
the money is there.
there is no profit in compassion.
pockets won't swell like hearts can.
walk on by, glances to spare,
offering spit sooner than a hand.
i cannot fucking wait,
for your scoffs to turn to
"oh god, why me?"
the world can't afford your luxuries
when any one person suffers.
open your fucking hearts
please, for the first time.
hear his call for change,
here's a call for change (x3)
hear this call for change

#3
you're not born, you're hired,
this isn't life, this is work,
you don't die you get fucking fired.
the price of human life
is worth less than the stitches in your pants.
apparel from abroad,
apathy home grown.
the tag doesn't read "made with slave labor"
the world is bleeding for the american dream.
everyone hears,
the same screaming,
cuz we're screaming too.
but no one,
is willing to answer.
in these times,
that we live,
no one is willing to change.
there are no pockets on a death shroud.

#4 - this is our future :
if not behind bars, then on front lines.
if not on front lines, then lying in our fucking graves.
the ground goes quick, soaked with our blood.
now go find them gold.
or it's your hands, or your head.
oil, water, health and good intentions.
leave us immobile, thirsty dying assholes.
dry up and fuck us all.
we never paid attention.
we never fucking cared.
our future is pennance for our past,
our future is pennance for our disinterest.
our fucking future has gone out.

#5 (mosh call) - what can this possibly mean to you? go go gadget mosh!

#6 in the lyric writing process

#7 music being written
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Current Music:tragedy - the hunger
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Subject:i need to clean off this desk, damn
Time:02:17 am
at about 9.50pm i called someone a pud.

4 hours and 12 minutes later i park in front of my apartment and i think back on that moment and think it's the funniest shit ever.

the word pud is very funny.

get it?
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Current Music:m. ward - fool says
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Subject:hey, how ya been?
Time:09:31 am
leave a comment.
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Current Music:ra the rugged man - #8 on a complilation of random songs
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Subject:i should be listening to eye by smashing pumpkins
Time:11:27 am
some things should be left a mystery.

for as long as i can remember i've always had it in my head that the reason why we close our eyes when we sneeze is to keep your eyes in your skull. i also still believe in flying saucers (but my theories have matured, ask me about 'em sometime, mindfuck style), ghosts and the loch ness monster.

since i turned 18 i've been having violent sneezes that actually propel me from my seat and affect my walking. today something in the air struck me just right. it could be my childish obsession with putting talcum powder on my naughty bits. not just a light sprinkle, or even a nice glaze of powder. no no no, i have a nice little position i get into and proceed to dump it on the royals*. there are different procedures for standing and sitting, i prefer standing for immediate drop off, sitting can get a little messy.

*i've never called my junk the royals before, but i'm going to from here on out. i suggest you do too. but only when referring to mine.

i was coming home from a staff meeting today and i felt something charging up in my nasal cavity. oh my, this will be a liberating gesture for a nasal libertine. everytime i sneeze i think "don't forget to close your eyes, you need them. for reading, and boobies."

so i decided to give it a shot. i finally drove around 4 exits on the highway to get back to the original direction i needed to go (exits 5a and 5b on 95. go to 5a when going south, then go to the on ramp, get off at the immediate off ramp, then the next on ramp, then the next off ramp and you will be heading south again.) which is something i've always wanted to do since i saw a cartoon with goofy in it when i was 5.

i did this last friday, about 8 pm.

in the spirit of completing childhood dreams, and to prove or bust a youthful myth i decided now is the time. the sneeze brewed and came as i was getting onto route 10, my left eye closed a bit becuz i have better control over my right side.

the build up of ah... AH...

then ACHOO!!

with that out popped my right eye like a pop tart from a toaster. but no delicious berry filling or tasteless frosting that somehow makes it a million times better. maybe my eye needed frosting, becuz this kinda sucked. at first.

in this situation it's really easy to panic. i had one eye on the road and one eye on my crotch. which was pretty cool, cuz my crotch is AWESOME. but don't take my word for it, wink? i find it's a lot easier to touch your eye if it's not being a party pooper and staying indoors. another childhood practice. i was obsessed with touching the side of my eye. so there swung my right eye, attached by optic nerves and other things that ought to remain hidden, i didn't have it together enough to sit up to the right and take a look in the rearview mirror.

i may have thrown up, as my face did to my eye if i had actually taken a look. i scooped up the baby blue and just shoved it back in. no harm no foul. now my sights a bit blurry, but it's to be expected, it's a bit disoriented from bungeeing out of my skull.

having this happen, i think i would much rather see it than experience it. it's a weird weird feeling.
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Time:11:18 pm
everyone.

I have an announcement.

and I mean everyone.

it's kind of a big thing...

I uh...

I bought a belt. you know, to hold my pants up? for the first time in 2 years pants and belt together in perfect harmony.

it feels like my waist is getting hugged all day. it's cute. in an absolutely uncalled for and irrationally sexy kind of way. I wouldn't have my life any other way.

now who wants to go streaking?!

oh, happy friend and family appreciation day. I think next year i'm going to designate the 21st to be it. party, my place, i'll bring the forties. you bring the hugs.

let's all read up on the mayans.
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Current Music:yeah yeah yeahs - modern romance
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Subject:seriously?
Time:09:59 am
Current Mood:chipperFUCK YEH!
FUCK YEH!!

still, in the best mood ever. it's so sick. the usual shit that bums me out just rolls off my back with the most negative reaction being "eh". i reccommend everyone be me at 2.30 am this morning. shit rules.

i dropped sean off at work this morning and on the way back i pull up next to an old man in a toyota corolla. for some reason my usual natural reaction to old people, or any people driving rather is "fuck you!", whether they've wronged me or not. i'm an aggressive angry rage filled driver. but today, when i saw this guy, with his hooked nose, and his wrinkled skin, and his lofty life experiences i said out loud, very out loud "FUCK YEH!" and gave a brief arsenio hall arm pump.

"this too shall pass", it's true, but it might stay until i pass, and then, by default will have passed too.

my cat rules. my room is dirty. my mind is smiling. i hereby declare this day to be FUCK YEH! day.

FUCK YEH!

i hope all you lovelies have a wonderful day.

holla at'cha boy.

also, "like ringing a dinner bell" is FUNNY. i'll explain it later.
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Current Music:m. ward - let's dance
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Subject:it's like ringing a dinner bell
Time:02:39 am
Current Mood:chipperchipper
i'm tired as fuck, but whatever. i'm in a good ass mood!

so, my band, has a 2nd guitarist now and it's awesome. so heavy. so good. so dope. so dick in a box.

seriously. i'm in a good mood, now i gotta go waste it on 3 hours of sleep before i go into work. but at least i get to have brunch with danny at 10 am. and colleen's coming to RI real soon. and i'm listening to m. ward's cover of let's dance.

i need new tattoos and hugs.

let's sway!
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[icon] how's your bell curve?
View:Recent Entries.
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You're looking at the latest 10 entries, after skipping 10 newer ones.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries or forward 10 entries